Andy Hine MBE
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When bored in the supermarket1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' trolley when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in houseware to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the toilet.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 10 at Pharmacy" ... and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on hold.
6. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the houseware and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When an assistant asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. While handling knives in the kitchen ware department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
12. In the car accessory department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through shout, PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the foetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly...."Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"
16. Go into the Butchers Department and start rubbing steaks up and down on your face saying " oooohhhh that feels so good"
17. Go to the fruit and veg department - get two bananas' and put one in each pocket - walk around the store calling everyone pilgrim in your best John wayne accent sporadically whipping them out of you pocket - making gun noises and then slumping to the floor as if you've just taken several bullets to the chest.
18. Grab some ladies knickers in the lingerie section and rub then up and down on your face whilst moaning " ooohhhh Mother, oooohhhh Mother I miss you"
19. Bring your own DVD, popcorn, sweets, drinks and nibbles and pick a nice spot on the floor in the electrical section. Sit cross legged and enjoy the film.
20. Take boneless chicken breasts out of the packet and throw them skyward whilst screaming" fly my little ones, fly and be free"
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butler
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You get funnier with every joke you tell.
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reg
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That was funny??? 
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bradpeet
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Has Nev run out of medication again?  
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coastergraham
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Andy I think Mean Streak has got to you mate
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BAGuru
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NURSE.......
He's having those delusions again where he thinks he's on the stage at Blackpool telling some funny joke.
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butler
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I think it is others who have no sense of humour. Nev is hilarious.
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Crystaltips
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Nev's joke's are only funny once and sometimes not even then! You lot don't have to live with him
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BAGuru
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Oh, nice one Chris. Good to see you on the board.
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Paul H.
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| butler wrote: | | You get funnier with every joke you tell. |
Nice try......you still have to pay your club membership fee like everyone else
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butler
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No Honestly I think Nev is funny. Really!
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